It Lives

Dec. 1st, 2015 08:58 am
Is this thing on?

Still alive. *waves*

Me: Better
Family: Good/Bad/Other
House: Totally different
Writing: Slow, but going

So how is everyone?
This list is constantly a work in progress.

Scents marked wth ** are those I am particularly interested in.

Stuff I Want )
Dear Yuletide Author,

Hi! You're fabulous. I know this about you, even though you're anonymous at the moment.

So in terms of what I like, I'm a sucker for nice, meaty angst. I love hurt/comfort, heavy on the comfort, and particularly if the hurt is something old that the character finally has a safe space to deal with. I will read almost any Pretty Woman or Beauty and the Beast AU, even in fandoms I don't really know. In fact, sex worker AUs with positive outcomes are pretty much my catnip. I'm okay with non-con that's portrayed as such (and with a focus on recovery), but within main relationships, I'm an Enthusiastic Consent kind of girl. My exception is a Character A doing something because they think Character B (or B and C!) wants it, and Character B getting upset when they realize what's happened.

Hard limits are ANYTHING with the Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamic, cheating characters, and non-con between characters in a main relationship.

PsyCop (Jordan Castillo Price) )

Whyborne & Griffin (Jordan L. Hawk) )

The Rundown (Movie) )

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang )

In conclusion, thank you, Dear Yuletide Writer. I can't wait to see what mischief you manage!

Best Wishes,

So, My Chemical Romance quietly announced they were breaking up last night. As bands do, y'know? As a fan, you always hope that the next thing is coming, but if they think they've reached the end of the line, that's their choice.

I didn't realize how much this band had taught me- what they created, HOW they created, how they almost always portrayed the kind of huge emotion I was afraid to admit feeling, and made it understandable and okay to explore. This band gave me a world I'll be proud of creating until the day I die, even if I'm the only one who ever sees it. And their music, their genuine enthusiasm, gave me the permission I needed to find beauty and hope in the world I live my life in. To not be ashamed of WANTING to find something better, and to never give up until I used my energy to make it happen.

What more can you ask of a band, really?
The things I do for you, Patrick Stump. The things I do.
This is my "If anyone has a spare ticket for the FOB show at the 9:30 Club, I will give you my left nut for it" post.

Hi, LJ.

Feb. 8th, 2013 12:10 am
I have the chance to write at my preferred time today, thanks to taking tomorrow off to buy concert tickets. LIKE A FUCKING ADULT, YO.

The main character in this book, Zee, has an anxiety disorder. Of course, he's also a post-apocalyptic mutant, so really, a panic attack here and there is the least of his worries. I think I'm doing him justice, but at the same time, he can be tough for me to write. I can feel his anxiety like it's my own, and that's not terribly comfortable at the moment, but it's at least familiar.

This week has been crazy good for bands I'm a fan of. New FOB, new MCR, finding out Mumford and Sons is playing a Gentlemen of the Road Stopover in Saint Augustine- I've said it elsewhere, but it really is a great year to be the sort of person who likes things. There are lots of things to like.

If anyone ever needs help writing an agent query letter, I highly recommend slamming your thumbs in a drawer instead. I hate them, I hate the process, I hate everything I've ever tried to say about myself, and I hate the stomach-clenching fear drop that occurs when I realize that basically, my entire professional future rests on three paragraphs and a synopsis. Which I also suck at writing.

Concert tickets. I can handle this. And I really, really needed a mental health day.

Patrick Stump's voice is filling my ears again, and I am so, so happy!
I'm really in the mood for some due South fic. Sometimes, only you first fandom love will suffice.
Hello, LJ. I'm really bad about posting about things I've actually been up to, so here's a collection.

- I usually try to keep this a kind of personal/fandom space, but winning cool awards is pretty awesome and personal to me. So in that spirit, we won some Rainbow Awards for The Slipstream Con. Three, in fact, for Best Bisexual/Transgender Debut Novel, Best Bisexual/Transgender Science Fiction (2nd place), and Best Bisexual/Transgender Novel of 2012 (2nd place). So, you know, that was fucking fabulous.

- I started a weird little hippie project, Cards Against Apathy. Check it out. I'll send you free stuff that you can hand to random people. But not in a creepy way.

- We're going to St. Augustine for the week between Christmas and New Year. Much as I will miss the internet, I will not miss the internet. I'm hoping to get some writing done, and some knitting. We're going to Blue Springs State Park, where I will finally see a baby manatee! It's a winter haven for them, and they already have almost 40 calves counted this year. You can watch their webcam. It's quite relaxing, given that manatees are about as zippy as squishy rocks. Pro Tip: If it looks vaguely torpedo-shaped and lumpy, it's probably a manatee. I will not let Michelle "accidentally" fall in the water with them. I'm mean that way.

- INR counts are right where they should be, and while I'm not enjoying the Coumadin side effects, I'm rather liking not having to worry about my pudding blood. Once I've ridden out the Coumadin for a few more months, the doctor wants to do a full panel of screening tests for clotting disorders. Given that I have no family history of them on either side, and they tend to be genetic, I'm not too worried.

- I'm going to repaint and redecorate my room in January. Taking down 8000 pictures and moving all my furniture should be a blast, but I'm kind of looking forward to it. I will remember to actually take before and after pictures. I will. I just have to clean my room, first.

- In fandom news, Teen Wolf continues to rot my brain, I'm having a Trek renaissance, and I suddenly have a love for Clint/Natasha/Coulson fic.
I have a bad case of trope-itch, and I need to scratch it. I want to read stuff that features one character being protective of another, but doesn't veer into paternalistic crap where protection and support becomes control. Do you have any idea how hard that is to find? I'm trawling my fandoms, looking for books, etc, but googling "non-creepy protective relationship fiction" doesn't really help.

In other news, it's supposed to be in the 70's here today, and there's fog everywhere, hours after dawn. Weird day.
Dear Omega-verse:

I hate you. I hate everything about you. I hate your hand-wavy non-con. I hate your ridiculous power dynamics. I hate that you have infested seemingly every fandom. I hate that your authors don't feel the compunction to fucking WARN for rape. I hate that your authors don't seem to understand that a lot of what they're writing IS rape. (I say this with a YKINMKATOK attitude, honestly. Write what you want, enjoy writing it, but give people the chance to make an educated decision about whether or not they want to read it.) I hate that you, Omega-verse, seem to be the new accepted standard for power-exchange relationship fic, and yet, there isn't any power-exchange going on.

But I'm guessing, based on the sheer volume of fic I see, that it's probably just me.

No Love,
Overtime, like my heart is putting in extra hours so it can take a vacation, so it can prove itself to the boss. I don't even know. Music used to make me happy, but now it just makes me feel like I've never done anything, never will do anything that moves on its own, stumbling through the world without my constant nudges.

It's so soon, too soon to panic, but it seems like panic is all I do. Like the only safe place is a hole filled with a thousand different iterations of someone else's life. In them, the dark is where everything happens, where everything comes together and falls apart and rebuilds into a glorious conclusion. Where the characters find their power and pull it deep into their bones and remake themselves.

But the dark is really just cold and alone, and there's no power in it. There's nothing uplifting about the constant edge of raw panic under every rib, squeezing and distorting the shapes of my dreams into nightmares where I can't breathe, and it doesn't matter anyway.

In the stories, in myth, you steal power you don't have from someone else. There are no sense-memory folk tales about witches who steal power from themselves. It's a pity, that. I could use an instruction manual.
I have like, no interest in anything right now, and that's a real shame, because there's a lot of anything to do and deal with.

At least I got some GOOD medical news today. My physical therapy for the knee I tweaked many moons ago is going great, and next Tuesday might be my last session, if I keep up my exercises at home and continue not to feel pain. Woot. Hamstring stretches, once you finish them, leave an afterglow. Just sayin'.

It seems like a huge bother to even try to figure out how to say what I mean to say, and there's nothing new to talk about. I make lists of lists I need to make, and then give up halfway through, because nobody but me gives a shit if any of it gets done anyway. This is putting a serious crimp in my holiday cheer, yo.

I picked out a new wall colour for my room, and I'm doing something strange and lovely with the trim on the windows. It should be interesting.

Unlike this post.


Nov. 2nd, 2012 11:53 pm
I'm proud to announce that we sold the third Ylendrian Empire novel, Peripheral People, to Riptide Publishing. Barring the manuscript getting eaten by ravenous groundhogs, the book will be released in August of 2013.


-We sold another book! Peripheral People found a home. Details will be forthcoming once we have the go-ahead.
-I'm going to Iceland next week to see my best friend, [ profile] interminable, and attend Iceland Airwaves.
-I will see glaciers, and icebergs, and Blue Lagoon, and Of Monsters and Men on their home turf.


-I might see a puffin! If I don't see one, I'm going to eat one. Part of one, anyway. (I said this just to make Michelle sad. ;)
-I'm taking a bunch of books donated by authors who attended GayRomLit to the GLBTQ center library in Reykjavik.
-I might even have everything done by the time I leave!


-Over the past 4 days, I've gone from climbing 3 flights of stairs with no problem to panting for breath after half a flight. I've also been having pain in my chest. I would worry about this a LOT, had I not JUST (like, seriously, a week ago!) had an ECG done, where they told me other than a very mild murmur, my heart is a-okay. I think it's a combo of weird sleeping positions, allergies, and asthma. I'm going to the doctor this afternoon, in case they can give me something to take so I can breathe while I'm in Iceland. In conclusion- FU, lungs.
-Adderall feels exactly like Xanax to me. Everything is kind of muted and gentle, and it's awesome. Like all drugs that make me feel good, I am suspicious of it. A family history of addiction will seriously fuck with your ability to acknowledge that sometimes, pills that make things better are SUPPOSED to make you feel good. It's also, as advertised, great for focus. If only I had not focused on Teen Wolf tumblrs!
-Heavy exposure to Teen Wolf has left me with a strong desire to rub Stiles' head. And tell Derek that it's okay, bad people won't lock him in his basement and electrocute him while talking about how they sexually abused him anymore. HOLY FUCK, show.
It's my birthday, and I keep forgetting to post here, instead of spamming Facebook.  So I'll spam LJ, instead!  If you were of a mind to do something for me for my birthday, anything on the list below would be pretty cool. 

  1.  Sing, out loud.  In your car, in your shower, in your office. It’s fun.
  2.  Hold the door for someone, even if they’re at that awkward “not really close enough to have to” distance.
  3. Say “thank you kindly”, because it tickles me.
  4. Find something that makes you laugh.
  5. Volunteer for something that will help someone else, even if you think you don’t have anything to offer.
  6. Buy a book.
  7. Listen to some new music.  These are some of my favourites from Empires, The Decemberists, Heather Dale, Robots and Racecars, Heathers, or Of Monsters and Men)
  8. Tell me about a song I should hear.
  9. Share your favourite recipe. (I’m allergic to nuts.)
  10. Create something. I’d love to see it.
  11. Check out the amazing jewelry my friend Rain makes –
  12. Read my favourite Onion article of all time –,3987/
  13. Donate something to Heifer International, Doctors Without Borders, or the Electronic Frontier Foundation.
  14. Plant something.  Trees are cool.
  15. Buy coffee for the person behind you in line.
  16. Tell someone who you think has their shit together that you admire them.  I guarantee you they could stand to hear it.
  17. That thing?  The one that’s still hurting you?  Know that it wasn’t your fault.
  18. If something was your fault, apologize to the person you hurt. Just say, “I’m sorry.” Accept that they don’t have to forgive you.
  19. Write someone you love a note, and hide it somewhere they’ll find it.
  20. Have a cupcake.  Or, whatever you-appropriate treat that you really enjoy.
  21. Buy one of my books.
  22. If you’ve read one of my books and enjoyed it, tell someone else about them, or write a review. I would appreciate it.
  23. If you’re feeling down, or alone in your problems, introduce yourself to the fabulous group of people at Band Back Together.
  24. Find a great album. Put it on your stereo, then lie down somewhere, close your eyes, and listen to all of it, with your whole self.
  25. Read The Less Than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal, because it’s AWESOME. (Caution, some parts are NSFW, but are marked.)
  26. Watch The Avengers gag reel. Like I have. About 20 times.
  27. Create a transformative fanwork.  Art, fanfic, a vid- it’ll be awesome, I’m sure.
  28. Tell an author (or other artist!) you liked their work! Everyone loves fan mail!
  29. Ask me something about my writing process, or one of my stories.
  30. Make plans to visit Big Island, Hawaii, my childhood stomping grounds. Not right away- but some day. It’s worth it.
  31. Share a joke.
  32. Show me something amazing.
  33. Tell me about your latest project.
Sometimes I am a giant clod, and I stomp in on my "I'm Trying To Make You Feel Better!" feet and dance all over someone's post. So, if I've done that to you recently, many apologies.

December 2015



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